“Aisha, I am serious this time. I’m going off men. I need time away from them to enable me put my life back into focus. I need to detox, so to speak”

“Very necessary jare, my dear! Take all the time you need. You know I am always here to support you na!”

Of course, it’s a bit extreme to cast men as harmful toxins- deadly pollutants that swirl around a woman’s soul and must be eradicated at all costs- but let’s not let that stop us. Men are entitled to ‘she-tox’ too. The difference is they seem to do so anyway, forever tuning out women when it suits them- sometimes during relationships and always during soccer tournaments. Does that not eternally piss you off? It can get us seriously riled up! Surely, it could do no harm for us to fight back and cut men out of our emotional diet for a while, if only to find out whether we are truly “allergic”?

Men are so good at blowing hot and cold, we get scared to drink sometimes. Because we do not know if we will be scalded or frosted over. How many times have you had your man withdraw into a silent seemingly impenetrable shell? Zero to no phone calls? Curt one-word responses,… Or better still, have you heard a man that says he isn’t looking to have a relationship at the moment but would rather have an affair with no strings attached? seriously, where do they get off doing that?

Divas, it is time we learnt to he-tox every time it is necessary. Take time out to enjoy being single with no emotional strings attached to some guy somewhere. These days, ladies jump into a relationship the minute their ex- goes out the door. And the same crap keeps happening over and over again. Ever sat down to think that this might be because we spend our time being emotionally needy and dependent on men? Say hello, Susan Delfino!!

What do YOU think?

Posted in Diva-dom, Men...men..men!, Romance | 9 Comments



DYLAN: Why can it not be like that? It’s a physical act. Like playing tennis. Two people should be able to have sex like they’re playing tennis.
JAMIE: Yeah! I mean, no one wants to go away for the weekend after they play tennis.
DYLAN: It’s just a game. You shake hands, you get on with your shit.
JAMIE: Yeah.
DYLAN: Yeah.

So, who has seen the movie “FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS”? We loved it!! And not just because Justin Timberlake had his clothes off a lot, but because it acted out a reality that most of us shrink away from in real life. Well, sometimes! Have you ever had a friend with benefits?

While watching the movie, we thought the same thing we are pretty sure a lot of people who have seen the movie thought while watching it… “Uh-oh!! This cannot end well” and guess what? It did end well- in the end (well, we can only hope). Only after a bout of predicted complications though. Their emotions got in the way. Sad huh?? Not really, or at least we do not think so. Having friends with benefits… hmmmnnn

In our usual way of not posting unsubstantiated stuff for you to read, we took the liberty of talking to a few people about having friends with benefits. A “no-no” or a “Hell yeah!!”… It is interesting what answers we got from both males and females. Lots of “Hell-yeah”s actually. It led us to ask them the reason why and we were not really surprised to hear…

“No strings attached? Just pure, raw unadulterated passion being unleashed? No need for romantic gifts, dates and drama? Why not?”

OKAY!!! That is totally cool and who knows, we just might enjoy such a relationship ourselves someday. Maybe. However, right now we have to consider the issues involved in having a friend with benefits.

  1. Chances are that things between the two of you are not going to work out, so you need to be prepared to one day lose this friend entirely.
  2. Women often agree to the friends with benefits thingy hoping that it’ll turn into something else. It’s the truth. We often find it difficult to separate our emotions and end up having it all tangled up.
  3. Knowing when the line has been crossed and how to end it can become a really tricky situation.
  4.  You might not be the only friend from whom your friend is obtaining benefits. He/she might have secondary insurance, and given the implied non-committal nature of your relationship, he/she wouldn’t have to disclose this information. Hmmnnn…
We are not going to go into all the issues because heck!! It is supposed to be a fun way of releasing all that tension, right? So go on!! Have a great time, but bear the cons in mind!!
What do YOU think?
Posted in Diva-dom, Romance | Tagged , | 5 Comments

Quick Announcement


OK enough yelling..you can go to www.facebook.com/divadominationng and ‘like’ our page to get live updates of everything we Divas could be thinking of (and you know it’s a whole lot)…

And if you are not following us on twitter..the handle is @diva_domination

So divas and hunks *wink wink* get to it and we’ll get back to you with gooooddddd gist…

What do You say?!

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Let’s Talk About Sex, baby!!

Let Loose

“Oh My Gosh!!! I do not believe you. You said no? How could you babes? What did you have to lose?!”

“What do you mean ‘what did I have to lose’? My dignity and respect for one! Do I look like a floozy that makes love in a car…”


Oh drat!!! We do not believe she let such an opportunity for adventure pass her by either. Seriously?! The truth is that the car ish is even old school. Couples have moved on to more exciting adventurous locations like the sand dunes in Dubai (if they catch you, you are O.Y.O!). Unfortunately many ladies (men too), are held back by inhibitions that usually are as a result of upbringing. It is therefore not surprising that many ladies are inhibited thanks to negative influences, repression, and the societal restraint on sexual behaviour.

It is unfortunate that we still have plenty of women that cringe at doing a striptease or a lap dance for their man.

“That’s just so slutty. Hian oh!!”

Let’s not even broach the topic of sex initiation. That is solely the man’s prerogative. Pleasure spots? We are quite sure he would find it some day after all your tight- lipped giggles.

Okay… we will cut some of you some slack. It is the “good-girl” syndrome we suffer from in Nigeria that makes it difficult for us to let go in the bedroom. The whole “what would people think” question that plagues us even in the darkness of the bedroom where only you and your man are the occupants. Should the room even be dark in the first place?!

How do you expect to keep the relationship’s flavour when all you do is lay possum and moan occasionally? You need to let those inhibitions go and tell your man what turns you on, same way you would tell a waiter exactly how you want your meal served. The inability of couples to share these information with one another leads to tons of sexual frustration that could break the relationship apart.

There’s a saying that “every man wants a slut in the bedroom and a lady in the boardroom”. See what we have been saying? Grabbing your man for a quickie just before he leaves the house is not forbidden, it is welcomed!

How do we know all of this? Communication! Communication!! Communication!!! You can never have enough of it. And this is aside from the fact that as divas, we ensure we give as good as we get. And we never let our men go except it is by mutual consent. Especially if the reason has to do with his dis-satisfaction in the bedroom. Communication, study, and desire ensures that we keep our men right where we want them to be.

Have you ever been opportuned to be amongst guys during one of their let-loose conversations that usually happens with a couple of beers or wines, whatever their poison is? We have. And contrary to what some guys would tell you, they are not discussing business at that point. Okay, let’s backtrack a bit here. They are talking “business” that involves a man and a woman and sometimes a lack of clothes. Yeah… sex. They are tired of the tried and trusted bed-matics that take place only on beds.  They seek adventure and honey, they would look for it outside if you do not give it to them.

Did you take note of what we said? Good!! So we need you to get rid of your inhibitions. Let it go. Get freaky with your man in different places. Get the lights on. Buy some sex toys. Try the balcony. Try something new. Boost your relationship! Let those inhibitions GO!!!

What do YOU say?

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Got Milk?

“Check this babes! I think Jeff has a crush on me and he’s just so hot!” (Fans self)

“Which Jeff?”

“Jeff na!”

“The oyibo boy? na wa o Tolu, you didn’t tell me you now go for white boys”

“But what’s wrong with that? Isn’t your brother married to a white girl?”

“Abeg free that side, he is a man and you are a woman, it is very different”

Last time we checked, we are in year 2011! so why most black women and some men frown at the idea of another ‘sister’ dating a man of a different race is what we do not understand.  When our naija brothers bring back a white woman, we all clap hands and say yes he is married to oyibo (he don land well), but when a sister brings home a white guy she loves, everyone starts to wonder why she went for the milk and not the dark chocolate.

We understand if it is people from our parents and grandparents generation that have a problem with it but why the young ones raise an eyebrow is what we need an explanation for. During a conversation with two of our black brothers a week ago, this issue came up. The responses were hilarious.

No seriously, why would a black woman go for a white man? All he can give her is candlelit dinners. We are the real men (woah!! such ego, huh?)”

“But we love the candlelit dinners. Romance being the keyword. So, we cannot date white guys but y’all can go with white babes, yeah?”

“Absolutely. No offence honey, but white babes have next to no inhibitions. They are every man’s dream”

We had to stop there because come on, yes we agree that our sisters can be very uptight and plastic (topic for another day), but a real diva holds her game tight! You already know we are real divas so that analysis does not refer to us. He-he.

Having heard from the guys, we decided to perform a quick survey and asked some divas why they chose to go for the milk and not the chocolate and they gave us a ton of reasons but we chose the top 3:

  • Adventure – Believe it or not, most divas like the idea of being with a man of another race because of the adventure of two cultures coming together to make one. He is excited by the little actions of cooking and cleaning that our naija brothers take for granted… so they say
  • Level of success – Most of our African men are intimidated by a woman that can hold her own and has dreams for more success. So why bother dating them when you know he’ll only try to put you in the kitchen and rear children. I mean a white guy will appreciate you and want to flaunt you to everyone. Hian oh!
  • Love – YES people… LOVE! it is actually normal for two people to fall in love regardless of tribe and race and whatever you can think of.
Those are the points given to us from the divas who have got milk and don’t see anything wrong with it. We’re going to sit on the fence on this one and listen to your contributions before we make a conclusion/decision, but we can tell you for free  in simple English that some sisters just like their coffee with cream and who is to blame them when it always looks so rich! As for us, black coffee gives us a kick of unadulterated caffeine and cream gives us the additional flavour and it does add colour, huh?
Divas, would you consider leaving the chocolate for the milk?
Guys would you let your sister/daughter go for the milk?
Tell us people…what do YOU say?!
Posted in Diva-dom, Men...men..men!, Romance | Tagged | 1 Comment


Hmmm... JAMB Question

“Like honestly babes, you need to take a chill pill. You are always all up in my business. No wonder Timi broke up with you.” Taiwo accused

“Huh?! Excuse you? How dare you?!”

Okay… now is the time to take that chill pill, honey. Come on, breathe… atta girl!! He-he. Hello Divas!! Today’s post title was a gift from the church. Literally. Driving past gbagada, we saw this banner advertising a church program  titled “WOULD YOU DATE YOU?” It took a second drive by to get our minds rolling with the question and answers that revolved around self- deception and then slow honesty. Because we went through this process, it hardly seemed fair that we let you idle away in blissful ignorance. We should stress this though, your “undateability” (err… for lack of a proper term?) does not necessarily mean you are a horrible person and hence “undateable”, No. It simply means there are factors in place in your life that make you a scary prospect for the gentleman hunks out there. Let us consider the case of a lady we know. For the sake of perceived privacy, we would call her Tee. Tee is a beautiful lady in her mid-30s. She has a wonderful job as a PR Manager with one of the top banks in the country. She is Made!! Literally and figuratively. However, she is so absorbed in her work that she has become what we think of as “boring” and the gentlemen think of as “downright painful”. A normal conversation with her would go like this:

“So what do you do apart from be beautiful?” (blush) I am a PR manager with blah blah blah

“Oh really? Sounds like fun, but what do you do for leisure?” I am almost always at work keeping bad press away.

“Okay, but how about when you do have time to yourself?” I read or go to the movies.

(gulp) “you don’t go dancing or anything? Party?” Ha-ha, I wish. The noise at parties can grate on my nerves. I just need peace and…

He drowns out the rest of her speech at this point and if you look properly, you will notice that his eyes are probably glazed over and haunted like a dog seeking freedom… away from her! Well, except he is one of those boring guys that consider fun a huge taboo in the land of maturity (Yimu!!) Real men are looking for women with fun personalities and not women that would bore them to death. Yeah we know, you practically wrote the kama sutra, you cook a mean dish, blah blah blah. How is he going to find all of this out if you do not hold his interest from your first conversation? Na wa oh, aunty!

One thing we should all know is that physical attraction is actually only half the battle when it comes to securing a relationship. If you have nothing else going for you, we can categorically tell you that looks would keep you around for only so long. Na fine girl them go chop? As Divas, we know it is never worth it if we cannot keep the man as long as we desire to. We hold the yam and the knife so to speak. What happens if your knife is rusty or chipped though?

It is very easy for us to throw stones forgetting that we live in glass houses. “Banke is just too lazy. She’s bossy. She’s cheap. She’s too clingy. She’s too plastic and expensive…” Do us a favour, will you? While you are busy dissing another babe, would you please take a minute to do some self- examination? Would you date you?! We have friends that are pretty cool as friends, but if asked by our male friends if they make good dates… *HUGE GULP*

Remember, what you may think is your best attribute might not mean ish to the man. Give him some credit and do not jump on your high horse. He does not know you enough to appreciate that attribute yet. He is just meeting you. He wants to know if he can have a great time with you and no, we are not talking sex (though that helps greatly at some point). He wants to know if you can hold a great conversation with him. If you can make him laugh. If you can get silly together. He does not want to know how you do your job (except he is in the same line of work, then that is either networking or industrial espionage at work).

So as usual we want to know your responses, or not. Be honest with yourselves. The truth hurts, but lies are worse. Would you date you? What do YOU say?

Posted in Diva-dom, Romance | Tagged , | 15 Comments

So You Are Dating A Married Man…

The Other Woman... sucks yea?

“Ssshhh… hold on baby. That’s my wife calling.” Lanre said as he hushed Kim

“Hi darling… Yes, I am still in the office and very tired and hungry…” He spoke into the phone while Kim looked on furiously, wishing she could smash the phone into the wall.

Does this scenario touch close to home for you? Come on now, let us be honest with each other. We are not censuring you at all. Truth is, you are dating him already and if you look around you, many other ladies are too. Why take the road most often travelled and ply you with harsh admonitions when we can as well save our energies for something else (like being true divas?). We do not seek to win the affections of people with this post (we already know some people would sneer and turn away in all their self-righteousness), ha-ha.

We are in no way preaching marital infidelity nor moral decadence, far from it. Instead we are dealing with situations that already exist. 98% of married women today have had something to do with a married man sometime during their single rockefeller days, either unknowingly or with their eyes wide open as is most often the case (right? Right!!) In an earlier post (See Here), we spoke about the inevitable nature of a man to cheat. This means that so long as you’ve got something to offer in terms of looks, a punani, and whatever else it is that turns them on, the married men would come after you. The question is, what would you do about it? If you cannot resist them (which naturally is our first advice to you), then for goodness sake, pay attention to this post and at the end of it, weigh your situation again.


  • You are in a very open relationship that does not require the “C” word- Commitment (not in all cases though). Since he would still go back to his wife after your rendezvous together, you are also free to date whomever you please without fear of bruising his emotions.
  • You get to be taken care of and pampered beyond your dreams. Truth is, most ladies date married men for material benefits before emotions get involved. He takes care of your needs as they materialize. Pure perfection!!
  • You are not expected to deal with his extra baggage such as his sloppiness and angry faces. He is all sugar and spice while with you because you “simply get him” unlike “the harpy” at home that would not stop nagging him. He has said so, yes?
  • He brings maturity/ expertise to the relationship. What more can a lady ask?
  • You get to save your money at holidays and birthdays because you are under no obligation to buy him gifts. Hey, his wife might see and get suspicious!
  • You don’t need to go through the awkward stage of meeting “The Parents”. Somebody else already did, honey!


  • The minute the “L” word creeps into your thoughts about him as well as your discussions, you begin to yearn for commitment, which we both know the possibility of you getting is zero to none (well, except you are Alicia Keys).
  • You are constantly in hiding from being seen by the numero uno woman (his wife), as well as in hiding from reality (ha-ha! Just had to put that in, sorry). Because even though we know you are not a home wrecker (you actually are not), you are unfortunately an accomplice. Having been cast in that role, stones will be thrown at you from every Tina, Delia and pretentious Harriet.
  • And the big question… “if he is cheating on wifey whom he made vows to, why won’t he do the same to you?” After all, you are just “the other woman.” You will always be plagued by this insecurity and trust becomes an issue closely pursued by feelings of paranoia and dissatisfaction.
  • You can never make demands of his time because you do not own it and have no rights to do that (forget about his love declaration, baby!). You have to cry those lonely tears all alone without a strong shoulder to comfort you because he is home with his wife and kids. Sad story
  • And most painful of all, you would never be number one in his life. Well, once again, except you are Alicia Keys.

There they are. The two sides of the coin opened for you to see. If you decide your married man is a keeper, then honey tighten up your game and make sure you reel him in till you get his ring on your own finger. Tough world out there, we reckon. 

What do YOU say?


Posted in Diva-dom, Games, Men...men..men!, Romance | Tagged | 5 Comments


We see your roving eye

“Ermm babes, hold on first. Are you actually saying that you are going to remain with that cheating S.O.B after what he did? Are you on crack?!” Nicole asked disbelievingly

“Yes, Nicole. You won’t understand.” 

Ha!! We can very well begin to understand why Nicole thinks her friend is on crack. We would think the same thing too, but the moment we are thrown into her situation, we would probably find ourselves singing to the same tune. The truth is a man can cheat on us and still have us shaking our butts in the kitchen while we make him breakfast that we plan to serve him in bed. It’s amazing, isn’t it?

There was an on-going discussion a couple of days ago between a couple of divas including yours truly. Topic of discussion? “Would you leave your man for cheating on you?” These are some of the responses…

“In a flash!! I cannot and will not stand a cheating man. For what? It means he does not respect me now…”

“It depends actually on the level of cheating. The truth is, he is a man. Genetically engineered to cheat except he has an iron grip on his junior.”

We are sure you have your own opinions but just hold on till you finish reading, then click on the “LEAVE A COMMENT” link to share those valued opinions.

That discussion set our minds rolling and asking ourselves “Why do we stay with cheating men?” Is it an esteem thing, a cultural thing, or an innate desire to be a couple? We came up with a few possible reasons and here they are:

  • We are more territorial of a man’s attention and resources than we are over his body. We do not like that his body is being shared with another woman, but where we have an issue is in him allocating her time and cash that belongs to us. This is very unlike men who are extremely territorial over their woman’s body, and the reason why they hardly ever forgive a cheating woman. The image of her with another man is permanently etched in his mind. Our only worry is that his attention would be diverted from us, then we struggle to retain it and this we do by staying put in the relationship the minute he gives the tiniest little sign that he still wants us around. We have an overwhelming desire to be loved and wanted. It is as primal as sex is to men.
  • We can be disgustingly emotional which makes it easy for us to accept the guilt trip some men lay at our feet concerning their philandering acts. Okay so he cheated, right? It was not his fault. We paid so much attention to our jobs. The baby demanded all of our attention. We did not wear enough sexy clothes to lure him constantly to our bed. We did not open our legs wide enough on the nights we had crushing headaches and he wanted attention. We have periods. GOSH!!! The reasons we give ourselves are endless and at the end of the day, we open our arms wide open and say “come back to momma, baby“.
  • As crazy as this may sound, we depend on men a whole lot for companionship and emotional safety. So he might cheat on us many times over but we would always smile and accept him back because “there is this bond between us. You just won’t understand”... Right!! Let us call a spade a spade, divas. The reason why we would continue to stay with a cheating man is because deep inside, we are needy. All it takes is to hear him say “I am sorry, I love you”, then all is well with the world again. sigh
  • Another reason that cannot be ignored is religion. No matter your religion, you are taught that a woman’s place is with her husband come hell or high water. Humans are religious beings. Even atheists would quote me. Due to this belief, we find it difficult to walk out on a man who has cheated on us.
  • The final reason we came up with, why women stay with cheating men has to do with perception and status… in the family and in the society. We are Nigerian divas and we can tell you categorically that divorce is frowned upon in our different cultures. When you discover your man has cheated on you, you tend to think of what people would think before you take any action. And then comes the question most of us shy away from… “Where do I go from here?” If your man has been largely responsible for your financial upkeep, it is difficult to let that go. A lot of women pretend they do not care about the money, but us divas are real. The money counts greatly. Go figure.

So have we said anything that made an iota of sense to you? What do YOU have to say?

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The tears of a wounded woman

“Biko nu, please. Please. You are hurting me. (sobs) Okay, kill me. Please.” the victim sobbed helplessly

“Ssshh… Don’t you like it? Shut up jor!! She’s pretending she’s not enjoying it. Okay, it’s your turn. Come and do her.”

A few days ago the news all over our timeline on twitter was about a rape incident between an unfortunate lady and a group of male beasts that call themselves boys, in Abia State University, Uturu. The video is so heartbreaking.  And that there is even a video recorded by the perpetrators of this inhumane act is a further insult to the dignity of the poor girl and women in general. Our main issue though, lies with the insensitive pricks all over our social networks who always narrow-mindedly decide that we are responsible for whatever wrong action is meted against us. This is just wrong and a very effective way of bringing out the inner bitch in us. Some guys were of the opinion that ladies who get raped invited it and so should not complain when they are raped. They went on to say that everybody was wasting time and effort discussing something that is not even an issue at the end of the day.

Are these jokers serious?

We may be a lot of things but no woman in her right mind seeks to be raped!! No woman wants the agony of an engorged phallus tearing into her while she is dry, and bruising her from earth to Neptune. The feeling of helplessness and emotional anguish she faces while looking at the beast on top of her and crying for the mercy that never comes. No woman in her right mind wants the trauma that is associated with rape nor its attendant worries that could range from contracted STDs to psychological trauma. Mention S&M and we’ll easily tell you that even then there is total control in the lack of control. It is a decision made by the two parties involved in the sexual act.

Dear men, we are naturally sultry creatures that exude sex appeal even when clad in sack cloth. Blame our oestrogen levels if you must, but heck!! Do not go all animal on us except you are trying to tell us something of your basic nature that cannot be controlled. We would really love to think otherwise and so far that train of thought has been strong, but we fear at the way it wavers when we hear weakening stories such as this. And that a man who has a woman in his life either as his mother, sister, wife, or daughter, can actually open his mouth to say the raped women had it coming just plain boggles the mind.

Our hope is that the victim would have the courage to come out and finger the group of boys that raped her to enable justice to be done.

This is our own way of joining the WAR (Women Against Rape). A man who can rape can as well kill as far as we are concerned, and he deserves nothing less than the death penalty. That is our two pence.

What do You say?

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Through the rain

“I knew he was up to no good!! Heartless idiot!!” Remi fumed

“Demilade, relax. You are a strong girl!! Remi is right.He is cruel! A heartless idiot! After everything you went through together. Ha!!! Men…!!” Tinuke chirps in

*DeepSigh* Demilade and an uncountable number of females are either bunched up somewhere crying, smiling with tears lurking, or contemplating an even worse decision like a lady who killed herself rather than face the pain and humiliation that comes with a rejection.
So, yes. There you have it. Our conversation today resolves around break-ups and how we deal with the accompanying feelings of grief, hate, rejection, and then depression.

There was an article today by one of our divas (Sheila) on her blog site www.sheilaspeaks.com. She spoke about the intense feeling of depression suffered by ladies. And she hit it spot on!!! Look up that site and read her take.

Okay. So the relationship is over. He broke it off. And you feel like the most unwanted diva ever. You feel betrayed, rejected, hurt, bewildered. And your friends are not really helping are they? Even when they feel they are. Calling him names is not helping at all (except you get closure from thinking ill of someone you loved and still love *rme). The only thing the name calling would achieve is make you believe you were stupid enough to fall for him in the first place. That you do not know how to differentiate goats from men. Sad, but true.

From divas who have been there and done that, we can tell you what works. You need to sort your emotions out, sister! Do not push them to the background and hope they disappear. Do not go commando on your emotions. Let them own you for a short period of time. You need to set them free instead of letting them run riot in your heart. You need to go through the normal grieving process.
You need to cry. Even if they are angry tears… Shed them! Be a maniac, laugh and cry. We will not blame you. You have so many negative emotions doing a Jig in your heart… Anger, pain, and even fear.

People have different ways of dealing with heartbreaks. Different strokes for different folks. If you want to go off on your own to a place where you know nobody, kindly be our guest! And if the only way you can find closure is talking it to death with a sympathetic ear, have a ball!!! But, DO NOT hold it in. It would come rushing out someday and choke you. Losing a lover is tantamount to death. You need to cry, be angry, blame, cry a bit more, and then accept the inevitable. He is gone. You are beautiful. You are a strong. You are a Diva!

And if you have friends going through heartbreaks, be a darling… Shush it!!! Just be sympathetic. All they need to know is that you have two ears willing to listen, and shoulders strong enough to hold their weeping heads. Trust us, they do not need you insulting their intelligence while trying to be a good friend by killing the guy with names.

As usual, that is our two pence. And we are sorry we are not asking you the usual question today. All we need you to do is tell us how you got over heartbreaks. Let us learn from you.

What do YOU say? (Oops!! The question popped out after-all)

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